Rolling in the Deep
by aStormyHaze
Summary: April is is spending almost every night off out of the house for the past two weeks. Jackson is starting to wonder where she was... and with who... - set in season 13B
1. Rolling in the Deep

Life at the Kepner-Avery household was quite normal after so many storms. Jackson and April were finally starting to get along. It wasn't like before of course. Too much had happened and it wasn't like flipping a switch to make all the pain go away. But things were improving.

Jackson would watch the games with Harriet in his lap while April was cooking. They were roommates now. Not much talk happened but it was a comfortable silence most of the time.

April had started going out a few times but after the second she wasn't feeling that excited to try again. "It's not about him. It's me, I have way too many things to care about right now" she kept repeating in her head late at night. Harriet was getting more demanding of her free time now. Trying to walk around, full of energy. Having family time was far more important and amazing than hanging out with a guy she barely knew right?

Jackson of all people was apparently happy putting Harriet at first. He was all about playing with the baby, bonding and being a great dad rather then dating.

That night she went to Harriet's bedroom to check on her, only to find baby and daddy sleeping in the couch. A moment quickly captured by her phone. Jackson would love that picture.

* * *

Next morning April woke up really early. She had a very important surgery that morning. She quickly got up and checked her phone to check if there was any news and texted her family with brand new Harriet pics, like she did almost every day.

But that day was feeling a little different, heavier. Something was off, and everything made sense when she looked at her lock screen. The photo was the same she had in her bedroom: baby in her hands in the hospital, one of her favorites. But it was something else that got her attention.

She spent the next moments lost in her thoughts until her pager went off and she to run.

* * *

After taking care of a massive car crash and a 4 hour surgery without and deaths April finally had time to breath so she collected her strengths to find Harriet!

In the nursery she found Jackson playing with a very happy baby in his arms.

"Hey. How is day going, you left early this morning"

"Tell me about it. Car crash and surgeries all day. No deaths though, so great day!" She said as Jackson handed their daughter.

"So, do you have any plans for today?" She asked.

"Not really, why?" Jackson quickly responded.

"Would you mind taking care of Harriet tonight?"

"Not at all. You have a date?" - that sounded a little jealous, she pointed in her head...

"Kinda.." she said a little tense.

Jackson didn't want to invade her space so he just nodded in agreement.

* * *

A little after 6 p.m. Jackson found April getting ready to go out. She was dressing a black dress. Nothing very elaborate. No make up... She looked beautiful though.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours ok?" She said picking up Harriet and placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Sure. Have fun!"

She made a weird face but thanked him and then left.

Something is going on... he thought.

* * *

It was almost midnight when she finally came back home. Both Jackson and Harriet were sleeping and the house was quiet.

April took a bath and went to Harriet's nursery. The idea of having a baby girl to hold and take care was still thrilling for her. She spent a good amount of time watching her sleeping peacefully.

* * *

For the next four days, the same happened: April would leave at night only to return after midnight without giving much clue of where she was, or with who...

Jackson wasn't supposed to feel bad right? They weren't a couple anymore. They didn't have feelings for each other anymore... right?

After two days of the weird behavior, those type of questions, and feelings for that matter, started to pop out in his mind. He tried to keep things for himself until he couldn't hold it anymore.

Where was she that she didn't said, comment? Why was she acting all weird? He need to know.

The next night just after she left. He jumped on his car with Harriet. Wouldn't be that bad to follow her right?

* * *

 **So what do you guys think? Should i continue? Give me your thoughts!**

 **PS: I really should update my other fics.**


	2. Midnight

_Hello everyone. First of all, so sorry for taking so much time to update this fic! I stuck for a long time :/ Second_

* * *

April drove that night feeling the weight in heart, the heart in her throat, and she was, again, starting to feel terrible. She had a plan, but it didn't work like that, Mer had said that many lifetimes ago.

She pulled over, taking a deep breath, collecting her strengths and got out, entering the cemetery.

Only when she entered, Jackson realized where they were at. He was so focused on her that hadn't realized where they were heading the whole time.

I wave of pain and weakness hit him, and the fights and the tears came back at him all at once, all those terrible moments, the loneliness he had experienced got to him.

He just couldn't fight the tears now.

What should he do now? Find her? get back home? Panic started to grow on him really fast.

Harriet woke up from her sleep just in time and he figured it would be best to take her back home and put her back in the crib. Dealing with April after. That would also give him time to process everything.

* * *

Jackson got back, taking a sleepy Harriet with him, rocking her to sleep again. His thoughts, for the first time in forever weren't in his beautiful baby girl. He couldn't stop thinking about April, it's been a while since she's been doing this and it crushed his heart to know she was going through it alone. Harriet was their miracle, but she would never replace her little brother in their hearts. She was supposed to be a little sister and they were supposed to be a happy family.

Sometimes Jackson would just lay down and think of how different their life would be if Samuel was alive. They would still be married, of course. By then Samuel was supposed to be a healthy and happy boy that was a little jealous of his little baby sister. None of those happened and everything went downhill from that time. Of course, Harriet came along in the way, making both face each other and deal with their issues or at least a little bit...

He spent the next hour in Harriet's bedroom watching her sleep peacefully and thinking about April and all the what ifs once again.

What was he supposed to do? Thinking back, they had this really incredible story together: friends turned best friends turned the love of each other's lives turned husband and wife eventually. There were bumps in the road and up until then, that was a element that made everything even more amazing. Even after all the fights and the breakups. The almost marriage of April, they found their way back to each other. It was supposed to be their fairytale. But life had other plans and event after event, they started breaking. Samuel, Jordan, Jordan again, the fights and the ultimate break up, their divorce.

Jackson realized their next chapter was Harriet. Back then, he saw they bundle of joy as a way to heal, individually. They were both happy to welcome her in the world, see her growing and make all the things parents and kids should do in a lifetime. Starting heal from wounds so deep that all the medicine in the world wouldn't be able to fix.

Now, looking from another perspective, Harriet made them face each other again for her. If it wasn't for her God knows if they would be able to share space together and have a conversation without fighting. The road was long and there were still a lot of things to be fixed between the two of them, but because of Harriet, Jackson realized that he was still in love with April.

Jackson took a deep breath looking up and then to Harriet. He is in love with her. He never stopped loving her at all. She is the most amazing woman he has ever met. And the idea of her broken made him sad, and scared, scared to loose her again. Things are different now of course now, they want to raise Harriet together. But they aren't married anymore. And April is the type of person that runs off when something she can't control happens.

What can he do? Does he have the right to talk to her about it? It's their son after all. And she's Harriet's mom, she can't be the amazing mother is if she's broken again. And he loves her too! He can't ignore the fact that the love of his life is going through something as bad as this alone. Specially if he also when through the same know the feeling, the excruciating pain. He needs to do something! For him, for Harriet and for April.

All he wants do when April gets back is to hold her, try to mend her broken heart in the process. What he didn't know at that point was if he was allowed to do that.

* * *

After what it looked like a lifetime for Jackson, a noise coming from the living room brought him back from his thoughts. He found April closing the closing the door behind her. She was looking smaller, fragile, broken.

\- "Hey". He can barely hear her voice.

\- "Hi" - never leaving her eyes.

Neither of them said anything, just studying each other. Good minutes are spent like that, until April breaks the silence.

\- "So, is Harriet asleep?". She said, a small smile across her face.

\- "Yeah… She was a little fuzzy but after a little while she just fell asleep again". He answers.

And just like that, silence fill the room again.

\- "I'm so tired, today. I'll just take a shower and go to bed" She said, quickly heading to the bathroom.

\- "April… " The way he says her name still make her knees weak and she stops halfway there, not facing the man she still loves so much. "I know you, April. I know that you're not okay right now. And it kills me to know that I can't be there for you."

\- "I'm ok Jackson" - She says, trying to collect all the broken pieces of her heart in that moment.

\- "I know I'm not supposed to look out for you anymore. I'm sorry if I'm invading your space. But can I make one question". She misses him so much.

\- "You wanna know were I was right?" Facing the floor.

\- "Actually, no. If you wanna say it, I'm here but, that's not it."

\- "Then… what do you wanna know?"

He closes his eyes before continuing.

 _\- "April, if you could go back in time, what would you do differently?"_

* * *

 _There you go! Please review, send me ideas, plots, things that you like me to address. Chapter 3 is still really incomplete in my head so feel free to send me ideas too :)_

 _Let me know!_

 _Thanks!_


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